Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Brynna: A letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday.

Brynna:

My little firecracker how is it that you are 3 years old? All those early days when I thought the days were long and time was inching along are gone. Now I want time to stand still; I want to go back to the beginning. back to the days before I knew how fast time really does pass by when raising young kids. Because you see,My Brynna, back then as a new parent I did not know how to sit back and just breathe you in. Back then, when it was just you and I huddled on the couch, everything was new. And everything seemed so hard. My mind was consumed with worrying if I was producing enough milk, were you getting enough tummy time, was I holding you too much or not enough?

Then, just like that, you were a toddler. New concerns arose to keep me from cherishing every moment. Were you eating enough, were you hitting your milestones, why were you taking so long to catch on to using the potty, were  you copying my bad behavior and were timeouts working?


And then you turned three. This past weekend we celebrated you my little firecracker, allowing you to pick whatever you wanted to do. No party or extended family. Just the four of us. We spent the day hanging around the house just playing with you. We put clothes on your new doll, listened to Disney Princess music, watched you ride your new bike on the sidewalk and let you pick the lunch menu (Mexican food, of course). After dinner we sang happy birthday and allowed you to eat a big piece of cake.

There will be birthdays when you'll ask your father and me to not be around. Instead you'll ask to celebrate your milestone with friends, a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and others. One day we might not be the first people on your guest list. I realized that the days you ask me and your dad to focus on you, wrap you in our arms and lay on the couch beside you are coming to an end with each passing day.

Now you're 3. And I'm a mom to two girls. A little more experienced, less concerned with what others think but still worried that I may not be doing this parenting thing the right way. Some days are hard and the hours are still long. Some days I want to press a do over button and I anxiously wait for the day to end so I have a moment to myself.

But those are some days. It's everyday that I miss you when I'm at work. Everyday I can't wait to get home to hug you and kiss you and ask about your day. It's every single day that I smile out of no where because I remember a funny thing you said or simply because the sound of your laughter that forever echoes in my mind brings so much joy that I can't even put that feeling into words.

My love for you grows everyday. I need you to understand this because I know that some days I'm not at my best, and you need to know that it has nothing to do with you. Life is hard and stressful, and parents have a lot of worries, responsibilities and stresses weighing on them.

So many times you have seen me upset or sad and you'll sit on my lap and just hug me or tell me I'm beautiful or you've asked if I'm proud of you. It's in those moments that I push all the crap aside and just focus on what's important: you. seeing, really seeing and hearing my daughter. Being present for you.

Brynna, I am so incredibly proud of you. I'm your biggest supporter; your number one fan, always.

Happy third birthday my darling girl, I look forward to this year. The year that I vow to try to really focus on what's important and cherish the days, no matter how difficult. I see you My Brynna, just as you see me.

I love you,

Mom