Monday, September 29, 2014

Bedtime with Brynna

*Brynna has been co-sleeping with us for a few months now and while it has it's downfalls -- kicks to the head and stomach -- it seems to be working for us. Of course we know that soon it will be time to relocate her to the crib again before the baby arrives but I'm not counting down the days.

There have been many times throughout this pregnancy when I have a little anxiety attack thinking (1) I'll soon be responsible for two humans, (2) how hard it's going to be and (3) realizing that Brynna and I won't have that constant one-on-one time. Will she hate the baby? Will she hate us? Will I ever be able to leave the house again? These are the thoughts that hit me from time to time. 

Perhaps these fears are why I'm secretly cherishing our co-sleeping arrangement. Of course I'd love to be able to stay up late to catch up on reading or my shows instead of going to bed at 9 p.m. every night, but soon I'll be up at all hours of the night. Some nights I really don't like our nighttime routine because I'm spent by the end of the day and just want to curl up on the couch without having to read numerous books and sing songs to my daughter. But other nights, especially on those really hectic days when I've been chewed out by a reader or everyone just got on my nerves, I love our nighttime routine. 

Last night was one of those nights. 

We spent the day preparing the playroom, nursery and unpacking items (we were on the verge of moving but it didn't work out so we are sticking around for a bit), which was not fun. Trying to fit 2 kids in one room is going to be interesting. We were exhausted by the end of the night and laying down was all I wanted to do.

Brynna, of course, was ready to put off bedtime for as long as she could. After brushing her teeth, throwing her stuffed animals onto the bed and asking for stories (she talked us into reading five books
last night) it was finally --finally--time to go to sleep. Alex knocked out. Porkchop and Beans were snoring. Brynna was still up and of course that meant so was I. She normally talks to herself as a way to try and keep herself from dozing off but last night was different. Just as I was reaching that point where I'd ask her to close her eyes and settle down, she snuggled close to me -- her head on my head, her little arm linked around my shoulder, her breathe on my face -- and said "My mama." Okay, so that was incredibly cute and I of course replied with "My Brynna." But then she said "Mama my friend." And I said "Brynna is my best friend." And she surprised me by responding "Mama my best friend. My Mama." 

My heart melted. 

I closed the book I was attempting to read and cuddled the heck out of that little girl and gave in and sang her two more songs. 

I'll always remember these mom and daughter moments and continue to look for them in our daily interactions. 

Me