Big changes are taking place in the Brody household. Well, not huge, monstrous changes but big enough to warrant a pro con list, tears (on my end) and lengthy discussions. After moving back to OC and settling back into my old job, I’ll be leaving my associate editor position for a new venture in public relations. I still get queasy thinking about leaving the company I was with for more than 4 years (excluding the 1 year break when I was at USC) and the editors I’ve come to really appreciate. But the hardest part is knowing that I will no longer have the privilege of working from my home office, which means less time with Brynna. That of course weighed heaviest on my mind/heart and was the main factor that almost had me turn down the job. I felt horrible for leaving a job that allowed me to write and report all while working from home. A privilege so many moms don’t get. I knew I’d have to answer as to why I would leave such an awesome work environment for an in office job that was farther away. I still don’t have the best answer as to why other than it just feels like something I need to try. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not this is the right decision. And the melodramatic side of me has questioned if this decision is ruining everything in terms of my family-work balance.(How’s that for dramatic?)
I have always believed that money is not the most important factor in taking a job. But of course it needs to be taken into consideration when you have a child, bills to pay and hope to put away something for the future. I won’t go into details about money woes because in all honesty people, families get by with very little.
I’m not a risk taker, meaning, not being prepared for the future is not an option. But it’s hard to plan ahead when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Seriously, who knows what can happen. Luckily I have a supportive husband and amazing women in my family who provide valuable insight and steer me in directions I wouldn’t normally follow on my own. Why not be passionate about my career? Isn’t it time to try something new and learn new skills? My biggest fear of course is being away from Brynna. But unlike some moms who don’t have reliable childcare, I have the advantage of having my mom around to watch and care for Brynna while I’m at work. Did I mention she also throws in laundry and is happy to head to Costco or the market for us? What would we do without grandparents?
I’m also hoping that my time away from home will do me some good ‘cause although I was working from home that’s just what I was doing: working. There wasn’t time to crawl around on the floor with Brynna or take walks around the block, which is what some people may think work-from-home employees do. Writing more than 15 stories a week with deadlines kept me from doing that. So while I definitely saw more of Brynna it was when I popped out of the office for coffee, to use the restroom, yell at the dogs to stop barking or nurse Brynna. Not so much quality as it was quantity. Now I intend to keep my phone in my purse and just focus on Brynna. Oh, and Porkchop, Beans and Mr. Brody of course :)
Then there were those instances when Brynna’s mealtime was interrupted because mom had to take a call from a source. If I was on break at the office would I have taken that call? Probably not because I was on a designated break.
The more time I spent at home the harder it was to accept that my mom was the one spending quality time with her, taking her out for walks and classes. I wanted that to be me. So, am I really leaning toward wanting to be a Stay At Home Mom? Probably. But not just yet. First I want to take a chance on me and test out a new career field. Will I be a mess for the first few weeks having to be away from my daughter? Most definitely. Will I learn to be okay with being away from Brynna during the workday and appreciate our time together even more? I believe so. Will the commute, tears and loss of work flexibility all be worth it in the end? I hope so. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out (but I really really really hope it does) at least I know I tried.