Tuesday, August 13, 2013

An Open Letter to Porkchop and Beans

An Open Letter to Porkchop and Beans

*Dear Porky Boy and Beanie Girl,
I understand that things have changed and while it may seem as though Dad and I no longer give a crap about you, here is some reassurance that you are still loved:

  • We apologize for keeping you outside longer than your’e used to but when Brynna has crazy toy time, we can’t have Beans running away with Cookie Monster or have Mr. Chops trying to lay down on Brynna’s lap.
  • We are sorry that you can’t lick Brynna until every single particle of pureed food is no longer visible. But we’ve seen you (both) lick places that just aren’t sanitary. Sorry, guys, but it’s kind of gross.
  • We feel really bad that our weekends are no longer dedicated to hour long walks in the park but a 40 minute walk is still okay, right? We hope you understand that it can be difficult walking the both of you and a baby, especially when Bean’s wants to play with every chihuahua and Porkchop wants to eat every piece of cat crap he sees.
  • And geez, are we so sorry that you no longer have free reign of the house. Remember when we would let you two cruise the house at all hours of the night while we slept? Well, I have to break it to you pups, but waking up to vomit on the floor, a chewed up couch cushion or the sounds of you two running through the house is not funny when you’re operating on a few hours of sleep. Plus you guys messed with that free reign privilege when Porkchop crapped on the wall and you both chewed through the couch cushion.

  • We apologize for those short tempered moments when we yell “dogs out” after catching one of you licking the baby’s Sophie or better yet, her mouth.

  • I’m sorry my lap is not big enough for both you and Brynna at the same time. But nursing is hard enough as it is without having to worry about Beans trying to sneak onto my lap. Nice try, Beans
BUT look at all the stuff that hasn’t changed: treats every morning and night. More teats during the day since Grandma is home during the day. Daddy always, always buys you a new toy when he goes to Big Lots and you both have a new person to love on. Brynna may slap you guys around from time to time but mostly it’s out of love. Mostly.
We love you two rascals and although we think about giving you away to a loving family every now and again, know we are just joshing ya. ‘Cause you complete our little family you crazy pups.
Your humans