My list of what I thought I knew about having a baby but really had no clue about continues. Everyday there is something new that happens that leads me to Google my latest symptoms and leaves me scrambling for my copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting(and no, I did not see the movie. The thought of sitting through 2 hours of a rail thin Cameron Diaz donning a fake baby bump made my stomach turn. ‘Cause seriously, who doesn’t gain weight when they’re pregnant?)
Here is only some of the things that have made me say whaaat?!
- Your nails grow like crazy, which is awesome but I’d much rather have my hair grow especially since the possibility of me cutting my own toenails at the 6 month mark went out the window.
- Your stomach is a museum exhibit. Once I started showing the stares started. There are the women who catch you staring and then offer a polite smile; the ones who catch your gaze then look away. And of course there was the woman at South Coast Plaza who stared at my stomach, caught me staring at her and gave me the “what, I can look wherever I damn well please” look. Then of course there are the girls who take it all in: you face, stomach and the rest of you to try and figure out if you’re really pregnant. I can’t wait to wear my “it’s a girl” sweater. If only the heat would let up.
- You’re the new Buddha. Okay, so I expected stares and love when people congratulate me on my bun in the oven but I didn’t really expect my personal space to be violated. Now, don’t get me wrong, I could care less if someone I know touches my stomach but if we are not on a first name basis, have never met or have only shared polite conversation – don’t touch the merchandise. It’s just weird. And kinda creepy.
- Everyone will have advice. From the clerk at the vitamin store, coworkers to the women in the elevator, everyone is an expert. Breastfeed/ don’t breastfeed, losing the weight will be easy; you’ll NEVER fit into your clothes again; eat less/ eat more. I don’t mind it from close friends, family or if I have sought it out but just because I smile when you ask “do you want some advice” does not mean you should plunge into a 20 minute litany on what I should/shouldn’t do. I‘m just being polite people. I’m scared enough as it is. Just wish me the best, tell me you are happy to answer any questions and move on to something else. I had so much “advice” thrown on me during the first trimester that it totally freaked me out. Luckily other friends and family have helped balance it all out. I hope to never do this to any of my friends. If I do, tell me to shut it.
- Leg cramps ain’t no joke. This is not your average cramp. They hurt! I’m talking about a wake you up in the middle of the night pain kinda pain. Not fun, but normal. I Googled it.
- You are not in control of your body anymore—nature takes over. Or at least that’s what I tell myself when my stomach pops out a little bit more and my craving for rocky road ice hits. For awhile I attempted to try and control what was happening but eventually I had to give in and just go with it.
- Hot flashes are no laughing matter. I’m sorry mom, for ever poking fun at you for carrying a fan in your purse and whipping it out whenever the heat wave strikes. Can I borrow one of yours?
So i know this was a little rant-y but give me a break. After all I am pregnant and it’s super hot. I’ve also discovered that pregnancy can be fun. Feeling the baby move, watching your stomach and body grow and strecch in ways that you never thought possible all the while knowing that it’s making a perfect temporary home for your baby is pretty crazy to think about. I have to laugh when I can’t buckle my shoes cause I can’t bend that far down anymore. And my husband agrees that some of my cravings are pretty ridiculous but also allow us the freedom to eat what we want. Anyone who knows me knows how closely I watched my diet before I was pregnant. Now, if I want a hamburger we are off to In-N-Out.
Just go with it, right?